How Did I Never Hear About This?

I've been in a painfully boring two-day training, and so to ease my pain in the last hour today, I started clicking through Twitter profiles to see who my friends follow. And I found this guy (his Twitter feeds to a website).

It's hilarious. Hilarious enough to make into a NY Times bestseller (which is why I'm so surprised I've never heard of it...that and it's hilarious). Basically, this guy moved back in with his parents at the age of 27 and started tweeting funny things his dad says. It's totally inappropriate (ie don't read to small children or to anyone who is easily offended by cursing...poo...more cursing...).

Some of the dirty ones are really funny, but here is a sampling of the clean:

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"Engagement rings are pointless. Indians gave cows...Oh sorry, congrats on proposing. We good now? Can I finish my indian story?"

"No. Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's."

"I didn't say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking than you, and standing next to her, you look ugly."

"A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed."

"Pressure? Get married when you want. Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants."

"We're out of Grape Nuts... No, what's left is for me. Sorry, I should have said "You're out of Grape Nuts."

"I hate paying bills... Son, don't say "me too." I didn't say that looking to relate to you. I said it instead of "go away."

"The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain't spitting it out."

"I need to change clothes? Wow. That's big talk coming from someone who looks like they robbed a Mervyn's."

"You sure do like to tailgate people... Right, because it's real important you show up to the nothing you have to do on time."

"Just pay the parking ticket. Don't be so outraged. You're not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked."

"I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it...No, I'm not gonna stop, I'm just saying yes, I get that concept."

"The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2"

"You need to flush the toilet more than once...No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet."

Why would i want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If i want to talk to you, I'll answer.

"The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, you go get your own inside."

Sky Sailing/Falling

Adam Young released a new record today. Here are my thoughts:

Now doubt Adam is an incredible songwriter and programmer. As a fan/listener I didn't expect something completely different, but I was really disappointed to find too much of the same. I feel like after my first listen I was able to find most of the melodies in the previous record. The melodies were what drew me to the music initially. I think that depending upon the type of music anyone may write or compose it (the music) may still do well regardless of relevance or creative ground breaking abilities simply by the majority audience. So I guess what I'm saying is that maybe simply because the masses want to hear the same thing regurgitated - Adam may very well be relevant. But maybe then as creatives we should redefine what relevant is and or become something different all together. I personally wanted to see another side of his creativity. I guess I just wanted more. Too bad.

Another Story About The Office Dude

...and this one might be worse than the airline story: He cuts his fingernails in his office! A lot!

And I can hear it!

I mean, isn't there an understood rule that any activity intended to take place in the bathroom should be restricted to the bathroom? Or perhaps the backyard? (I'm thinking of all the times Hudson has peed in the bushes at Giga's house, and somehow it's acceptable.)

Bottom line: Fingernails are dirty. They should be clipped in private.

[And hey, if he somehow finds and reads the blog, maybe he'll quit!]

I Don't Think It Counts As Eavesdropping When They Know You Can Hear

I can hear every word that is said in the three offices behind me. The three occupants know this and filter their conversations or shut their doors accordingly. The one in the far right office speaks more quietly on the phone, so I tend to know less of his personal business but do know he was quite frustrated with a particular VP today... The one in the middle office was very supportive of his wife today as her grandmother passed away last night and was expecting to be in the office until 10 tonight working on a presentation for the board... And the one in the office on the left...well he's just an idiot.

We (and I say we because he was using speaker phone so I was really right there with him) were on hold today with an airline for a long time. Horrible waiting music and all. For a long time. Apparently, he went on a business trip last week and accidentally paid for his airline ticket with his personal credit card instead of his company card. He wanted it refunded, was told no, and was trying to talk to someone higher up the food chain. When we got to the third person, he finally picked the phone up, which is unfortunate because I would really like to know what the woman's responses were. Choice excerpts from his (angry) side of the conversation:

"So if one of your flight attendants was pushing the beverage cart down the aisle and ran into me and took my leg off, you would be unable to give me a refund? [pause] And you don't think the airline...and I know it wasn't your airline but the other airline...was able to give those people that landed in the Hudson river a refund? [pause] I just don't think that's true...Could I please speak to someone in accounting?..."

Even if it is policy to refund passengers when they lose limbs to the beverage cart or survive a crash into a body of water, somehow I just don't think the same compassion is granted to an idiot guy who used the wrong credit card. Have the company reimburse you - it's a business expense, idiot.

Baking

I made snickerdoodles last night from scratch because I just felt like making something and we happened to have all the ingredients. Do you know how much butter is in those things?! Seriously, next time I'm just going to roll a stick of butter in some cinnamon and sugar and call it done.

Eyjafjallajökull

I know the volcanic ash from Iceland has caused a lot of problems, but
this video makes it so amazing and wonderful.

As a side note, Jonsi (the music) is Jay's favorite running music. I want him to go to a Jonsi/Sigur Ros concert to experience the unexplainable, amazingness that is a Sigur Ros concert, but they never seem to come here anymore. What does everyone have against Houston? Eh?

The Best Songs From My Running Playlist

Florence + The Machine - "Cosmic Love" Go Listen
Passion Pit - "Sleepyhead" Go Listen
The Age of Information - "Tell Her Something" Go Listen
Cinematic Orchestra - "To Build A Home" Go Listen
Moonbabies - "Take Me to the Ballroom" Go Listen
Relient K - "I Celebrate the Day" Go Listen

We Do Love Our Projects

I feel like we would have pictures to post of all the house projects we've been working on...but nothing is finished! I just don't know how it happens, but our projects never seem to wrap.

Current projects:

• Backyard: Jay was out of town one weekend, so I decided to clean off the patio, which led me to search for a use for all these random bricks, which led me to line and clean out a bed (or the remnants of an old bed). This apparently inspired Jay because he spent the next week ripping out EVERYTHING in the backyard. Days and days of ripping. And believe me, it needed ripping. So now it's at least cleaned out...I would put a picture of his handy-work up but can't figure out how to get pictures off my phone...Jay?
  
• Guest Bathroom: One of the most dated and icky parts left in our house is the guest bathroom. And people, do you know how expensive those things are to get redone? So my mom and I decided we would just start painting. Painting takes time. And coats. So currently, the walls are (mostly) bright white (because we literally paint everything in our house white or grey), the cabinets are peely yucky off-white, and the floor is ugly. Got a ways to go...but looking better...
  
• Furniture (or lack thereof): I finally got around to ordering a dining room table and patio table...back ordered. Thanks for nothing Crate & Barrel.
• Front Living Room: Here we're making some progress. Jay's parents gave us a piano (!) and record player (as in giant piece of furniture record player - which we painted white because that's what we do)...both dads gave Jay their records so that in a matter of a month Jay went from owning no vinyl to being the envy of his hipster, H&M-loving friends. And so for my birthday, I had Jay help me make display shelves for the records. And tomorrow (hopefully) we're going to get an amazing midcentury modern-ish couch I found on Craigslist (my first Craigslist experience-and I convinced the lady to throw in the matching chair she was selling for $150 for $50)! And hopefully redoing the floors soon...and see what I mean...things just can't reach a finishing point... Just so we all feel better, here is a picture of our finished display shelves (Jay has since swapped out the records so that the coolest are up there):

So pity us (especially Jay since he doesn't really like projects), and hopefully we'll have more finished projects and pictures soon.

"Home Work"

I produced my first worship record this last fall for a leader named Neal Mabry. Neal is the youth worship leader at Fellowship Bible Church in The Woodlands. I think the church actually calls itself something else, but that's how I know it. Anyways - it turned out great and I am really proud of it. Neal myself and a couple of other guys worked really hard on it. We also had the help of some great musicians from Nashville and Houston.

Producing for me was a lot of work. Producers look at every aspect of the song: From the melody, lyrics, arrangement, tempo and key to the instrumentation. Working out of my house was great, but also hard to be disciplined enough to work in the morning and be done when Linz got home. Here's a pic of my studio below.

Working on so many aspects of the songs I ended up co-writing with Neal and a friend of ours who also recorded the bulk of the guitars on the record (Andy Watson) quite a bit. It was a ton of fun and very fulfilling. So on top of working on all the songs independently, demoing them, re-working and re-writing certain parts - I then had to record them. We started at Red Tree Studios in Magnolia with my friend Harold Rubens (Audio Engineer for Robbie Seay and Caedmon's Call) who engineered drums for me as I tracked drums first. Below is a video of the session.

We recorded the EP in stages. There are different ways to record a song/record: you can either put a lot of guys in the same studio and record at the same time or you can do things one at a time which is called "overdubbing". Overdubbing means that an artist or musician can lay down scratch material (some kind of instrumentation that will later be deleted in order to form a road map or guide for the song) with a click track (a metronome that is digitally played alongside the musician who is recording to ensure that the tempo stays the same). Drums and Bass usually go first in order to lay the foundation of the song and the dynamics.

I met a bass player and keys player in Nashville when I was recording drums for Jackie Key's record which will be released this year. It will be great. I asked those two guys to record on Neal's project. It was a lot of fun. Tony Lucdio played bass and Cason Cooley played keys. Tony has played on just about every Christian record you have ever heard and so has Cason. Cason also started the band "The Normals" with Andy Osegna.

Anyways. If you would like to check out some mp3's of Neals EP go to www.myspace.com/nealmabry

It should be on itunes in a month or so.

J

A Message to Jay

If your cereal comes with a toy in it, I think you're too old to be eating that specific kind of cereal.

Update: The same rule applies if there is a cartoon character on the box (he bought Cinnamon Toast Crunch yesterday because I made him self-conscious of the toy that comes in Lucky Charms).

Posterity = Overrated

Growing up, my mom would let us keep mementos in a "posterity box." When they moved into their new house, my parents gave me the box, along with several other boxes I had left at their house for several years. Revisiting the posterity box, I've discovered that most if it is just crap and I have no idea why I thought I should keep it (like 4 t-shirts from my 1 year of cheerleading and anything I ever wrote in the third grade). Combined with my own "posterity" items that I just haven't thrown out since moving out of our apartment, we have a lot of crap. A roomful, people.

So I decided that life is just too short to worry if I'll ever wear some shirt again that I haven't in 2-3 years. So now I'm getting ruthless. We've almost filled up 3 trash bags worth of stuff for Goodwill and 2 trash bags of true trash. All of Jay's t-shirts once again fit in his t-shirt drawer. All of our documents are neatly organized in labeled binders (bought a labeler - I love it) that all fit on a single book shelf. And the boxes are dwindling.

Side note: I was telling a friend about throwing stuff out and she said I should donate all of it. When I told her a lot of what I was throwing out was class notes, she said you never know...someone might need that kind of stuff in a movie...like in the background of some sort of classroom scene. What?!

I still have 2 boxes to go, and it's the hard stuff I haven't been able to make a decision about. [Plus both mothers have said they have more...] And we'll keep the posterity box (cleaned out of course), though I'm sure in a few years half of what I put in their today will just be crap.

Another Day, Another Project

Having our house has made me realize 2 important things about Jay: 1 - we have similar tastes in design (or he just goes along with what I like...either way works nicely for me!) and 2 - he's rather handy. And I completely recognize that measuring "handiness" is quite relative, so he's positioned well in my eyes considering that I've seen my dad cut his finger with a hammer. The man has other endearing qualities - he'll do yard work...cooks a mean omelet - but I wouldn't consider my dad very handy in terms of fixing something that needs fixing. My mother would argue he hurts himself on purpose so that she won't ask him to do things. But seriously...Jay can do things around this place.

First more about our aesthetics... We've gotten on this sort of anti-color kick so that every wall in our house is either white or gray. We just finished transforming our 2 front rooms from sunny yellow to stark white (and I'm talking white-white - not even a warm off-white). Our color is called "Snowbound" and is the same color we used in our bathroom. We like it.

After painting our Snowbound rooms, we decided we HAD to switch out all the outlets and switches; they were yellowish and 100 years old. So Jay goes to Loews for some supplies, flips off the breakers, and switches out all the outlets - and I'm not just talking the plates people! I'm talking rewired the things. Why he knows how to do this, I just don't know. But it looks amazing. And after doing the front 2 rooms, he decided he should just do the entire house. He's about half-way there. Aren't you so impressed?!

The Small Annoyances in Life

I've noticed recently that a lot of people use a "B" in their text laughs. I saw, for example, "bwa-ha-ha" and "bahaha" in recent posts I saw on Facebook and Twitter. And this bothers me - there is something completely unrealistic and unnecessary about that "B."

In fact, this might bother me more than "LOL." My freshman year in college, I took a stance against "LOL" and would instead use "IL"..."I'm laughing." I would perhaps even use "ILRH" for something particularly funny. Because who in life has ever said "laugh out loud"! My text acronyms are always logical.

[This could be categorized with the same annoyance as people using the word "nourishment" in prayer...because when else in life does anyone legitimately use the word "nourishment"?]

Projects for Abbey

First of all, I should say that most "Lindsay" projects inevitably become "Lindsay and Jay" projects. Second of all, Jay did not nearly capture the horribleness that was the "painting the inside of the cabinets" project...by far the worst project I've ever subjected us to. I kid you not - there were tears.

The inside of the cabinets had never been painted, so they were GROSS and took three coats of paint. We did it section by section spread out over a few weeks. Typically, Jay would clean them out while I was at work and sometimes do the first coat and I would do the next coats after work. He would take over when I was near tears. But look how pretty and clean it looks now:

With this pic and the two collages, I feel you can mentally capture the full awesomeness of the kitchen:


And then last night I decided to steal most of the stuff out of our guest bedroom and swap it with our bedroom. You can't tell that the bedspread which my mother and I got about a month ago has a pattern in it that perfectly reflects the square-ish squiggles in the paintings that Kath designed for us a few years ago - pretty amazing. I also went and bought Jay a pretty lamp tonight and of course have no light bulb for it (it's on the bed to prove he gets a pretty one, too):
I also organized my closet. It's pretty incredible. And Jay cleaned my room out (we have 4 bedrooms so one is ours, one is the guest, one is his studio, and one is my yet-to-be-defined space that had a bunch of boxes until he emptied them all out yesterday).

The crazy thing is that's just our recent projects (painted the laundry room, parents helped us with landscaping, etc) and there are so many left to do!

Update

Home
Linz loves projects. I'll bet there's an older post that starts with that......AND I love Linz so...... we painted what will hopefully be the last of the kitchen cabinets (the insides) last night. Tonight we are going to watch "Sunshine Cleaning (Amy Adams)" which we have both been wanting to see for a while. There are also a number of movies we haven't gotten to see, but would like to..... they are the following:
1. Where the Wild Things Are
2. The Informant
3. Zombieland
4. Capitalism: A Love Story
5. The Invention of Lying

I also want to include the albums/records I am currently listening to. This is more for my older sister who sends me emails periodically looking for new music.

1. Muse "The Resistance"
2. The Alternate Routes "Good and Reckless and True"
3. The Beatles "Abbey Road 2009 Remasters"
4. Owl City "Ocean Eyes"
5. Jonsi and Alex "The Riceboy Sleeps"
6. Mutemath "Armistice"
7. Derek Webb "Stockholm Syndrome"



Work
Linz is loving her new job at Waste Management downtown. She drives to work in a little traffic and goes to the 40thish floor where she works with O'dalis, Clint, and Jeff. All I know is she build pricing models for their commercial property pricing strategy. Sounds fun.

I am currently producing a five song worship EP for Neal Mabry. Neal leads worship at Fellowship of The Woodlands for the youth. We recorded drums Monday the 12th in The Woodlands at Red Tree Studios. We are recording most of the rest of the record here at my house. I am sending songs to a bass player I met in Nasvhille (Tony Lucido) and also a keys player there (Cason Cooley). Cason started the band "The Normals" with Andy Osenga and both of those guys have played on pretty much every christian record you have ever heard. Such as : Stephen Curtis Chapman, Nicole Nordeman, Matt Kearney, Matt Redman, Tobymac, Bebo Norman, DC Talk, Starfield, Jennfier Knapp, Ginny Owens, Reliant K, Avalon, Matthew Perryman Jones, Derek Webb, Sandra McCracken...... on and on the list goes. I am really excited.



Some pics and video from Monday the 12th.

How Not to Rob a Store

Just read this headline...

Police: 500-pound inmate hid gun in his flab
Three separate body searches failed to locate 9mm pistol, officials say

HOUSTON - An obese inmate in Texas has been charged after officials learned he had a gun hidden in his rolls of fat...

Fighting the sickness and looking ahead.

Looking for a job is hard. People aren't hiring and don't want to talk about hiring and when you think you've caught a break and somebody responds they usually are giving you someone else's contact info.

I'm still sick from Africa, but slowly getting better. I still have sore throats in the morning and congestion, but it seems that it's going around here as well. Lindsay has been sick also, but she always gets over things pretty quick.

I played my typical sunday morning job this last weekend, was in the studio yesterday and will be there today to finish up an X-mas record by Matthew and Cameron Hammon. Robbie Seay is producing and has been great to work with. The drums sounds are amazing thanks to Harold Rubens and RedTree. Thursday I leave with Jimmy (Needham) for a thursday through Sunday stint near college station.

Next week it's back to the weekly grind, but a little more time to look for jobs and then we will have to get ready to move.

Our house renovations are about to begin. Lindsay is going with Adam Wells (our realtor Katie's husband who is who we have hired to do the renovations) to look at tile and counter top options on thursday. He and katie are great. We are very thankful to have had them to help us do all of this. They took care of so much.

To give you a peak as to what we are doing I'll give you a quick rundown: We are very fortunate to have family who love us and have been so great helping us with our new home. Thank you so much to both of our parents.

Kitchen (The Big Project)
Masterbath overhaul
Miscellaneous repairs etc. etc.
Utility room washer and dryer

I've been watering the lawn everyday (last night at 10:30 p.m. while I was hafl asleep ;) and I really believe I am seeing improvement. I thought that at first I was just making myself believe I was seeing the yard get better, but Lindsay agrees. I think the only time the previous owners watered it was the day we came and saw the house. Every other lawn on our street is immaculate. Ours is the black sheep of the street and our neighbors know it. I saw one of our neighbors as I was watering the yard a couple of days ago. I thought I would get a "Hey are you guys the new owners?", but instead she had this dissapointed look on her face like we were now responsible for the shabby yard in the neighborhood and she kind of lifted an eyebrow and said "Got a lot of yard work ahead of you. Welcome to the neighborhood". I felt great.

I'm sure she's a really nice person....

Lindsay started painting while I was gone. We are both really big on the color grey right now. She and GeeGaw painted the entire master bedroom and in low light it looks great, but we went back after they had finished and it was a little purple. It's not bad by any means. I'm not sure if she wants to change it or not.

The home studio is coming along. We had adam bid out the cost of starting work on some of the space I'm going to be using. It's a little expensive so we will have to wait right now, but hopefully soon I'll be up and running. I'm looking to produce some projects this fall unless I happen to land a job so finishing the spaces will be very important.

Anyways. Theres a quick update.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Africa

I am currently sitting in the Hotel International in Kampala, Uganda. We have the evening off after playing music for a local high-school. We have been teamed up with a group of dancers and preachers to deliver a program of music, dancing, and evangelism to different high-schools through out Kampala.

Being here is such an experience and I don't know if simply typing about observations does it justice. The country is very beautiful and the city has it's moments.

People are everywhere all the time. Driving is crazy - the people seem to be pretty nice all around. Sometimes I feel like strangers hate me, but only sometimes. White people are called Mazungos (muzoongoos). The people at our host home are pretty amazing. Getting to know them and spendimg time with them has been great.

I'll post some pics when I get back - I took Lindsay's nice camera with me and have taken a ton of photos and videos.

I miss linz, but have been fortunate enough to talk to her everyday.

J

Coldplay!

Earlier this week, Jay and I went to see Coldplay. It was amazing...it was the happiest concert I've ever been to.

Here is during Yellow (one of my favorite songs in the world for almost 10 years) when they threw a ton of huge yellow balls out into the audience to bounce around - amazing:


Here's during Lovers in Japan when paper butterfly canons went off to shower the entire audience - amazing:


Looking straight up:


Here's where they walked out into the audience (the first time) to play some songs - amazing:


And here's where they walked out into the audience (the second time) to play on the lawn behind us - amazing:


And then, they gave away a free CD to everyone on your way out! The whole thing seriously just made you happy.

PS I love my new iPhone! Though I feel as though we weren't really as far away as the pics look.