The MOVIES!

Movies.

Man I love the movies. I love going to movies. I love the previews even.

I know I need to watch less T.V. and I also know I need to get outside and enjoy what God has made.

But, with that said. I still love going to a flick now and again. Or at least I used to.

How many times after two or three different advertisements during the previews concerning talking, cell phones, or just plain being distracting are there still people that answer the phone, talk loudly, or even talk to or about the movie (as if they think their personal commentary is wanted by the rest of the theater). Recently I had an old guy who actually fell asleep and SNORED. No lie - he was all bent over the chair and snoring! At a matinee!

I'm sure we have all had ridiculous stories of rude people in the theaters. Guys answering their phone saying "Hey man! ....... (pause) No I can talk - I'm just at the movies" - are you freaking kidding me?

Or people behind you kicking your chair - or the guy in the corner who can't get his candy open and is trying to do it slowly because he knows it's really loud. Just open the darn thing and get it over with.

So here is the latest happening:

Me and a couple of friends of mine decided to go to "The International" which is just a blah typical action film. About 35 minutes into the movie we start to see a couple of people walking around down at the bottom right of the theater. We were up in one of the top rows of this particular showing and after a few minutes of shuffling around we noticed what the commotion was all about.

There was an elderly woman probably in her early to mid 70's with a walker attempting to climb the stairs to a higher seat. She was accompanied by a friend who didn't appear to be much younger. It was dark... I couldn't see that well... give me a break... they were old. Inside my brain a few different questions began to arise:

1. Why is a 70-year-old woman going to see an action film? Not that there aren't any elderly women who don't like shoot'em'ups, but I would assume that's not an unfair assumption and so would also assume it wouldn't be a typical film an old woman would want to see voluntarily.

2. She's 40 minutes into the film and even if she's "with it upstairs" she's going to be confused. I was confused and I had been there from the beginning. So why did she pay to come so late?

3. Why would you choose to sit at the top of the theater (which is where they eventually "landed" - on our very row (2ncd from the top)) if you need a walker for level ground? By the way - we were not in the 10 row dollar theater - we were in the 1 million row AMC 30 humongous auditorium.

So after pondering this and after they initially settled - My friends and I put our attention back onto the confusing and slow movie. But, soon after they settled, we observed another problem. She was hard of hearing and being confused and probably near-sighted as well, she began to ask her companion questions about the film very loudly. Not loud like - "hey we are on the same row and people below us can't hear her it's cool" - I'm talking - the guys who work outside the theater at the concession stand could have answered her questions.... well maybe if they had seen the movie from the beginning.

So immediately one of my friends said "lets move" and we did. We could still hear her through the rest of the film. She was a funny Ol' gal - I'll give her that. She said some hilarious things. I would elaborate, but it would eventually be a "you had to be there" type of funny.

Oh yeah also - the guy who fell asleep and snored - it was during this movie too. To top that off - he did finally wake up to his phone ringing and he answered it.

I was at the 3:35 p.m. matinee showing - what else do I have to do to see a movie without the typical nonsense?

I'm sure the Old gal just loved going to movies as a young woman and maybe she wasn't near sighted but far sighted - I don't really know, but nevertheless.... WOW. And thanks old guy for paying to take a nap next to me. Wouldn't your couch at home be more comfortable and if anything else FREE?

Amazing: I am a magnet for this type of stuff. It's like all the anomalies wait outside until they see me coming and they all watch what movie I buy tickets for and then they come and sit on my row.

J