It's really late and I just watched Mr. Hollands Opus

Wow - what a great movie. I don't remember if that movie was based on a true story or not. It sure would be a great story if it were true. Instead of researching that - I am just going to leave it unknown - that way it feels better to me.

The last two nights have probably been the busiest for me as far as hanging out with friends/people I know goes. I have actually been meeting some new people here and there but in all honesty - it still is difficult because most of my good friends are in Fayetteville. I understand that what I "want" to do has a harder time coming true in an area like Fayetteville rather than Houston. But living here feels weird - not wrong or sinful or bad - but just weird. I know that it takes time to get used to living in a new place and that new surroundings are always unpredictable - but when it's late, I'm hungry, and just watched an emotional movie - I can't help but say the only words that come to mind at 3:38 a.m. here - "this sucks".

Lonely is usually a very specific term - in this case I am going to use it rather fluidly. The loneliness I feel I am encountering comes on a "like-minded spiritual level". I hung out with a friend of mine "chris stephens" and his girlfriend the other day and the next day before he went back to Fayetteville - it was probably the best time I've had since I have lived here. The reason was - we had a lot of things to talk about - we saw life through the same filter (what we believe about God and how he works with us and in us and his relationship with us and how Christ and his work all relate) spiritual truth.

Now, don't get me wrong - I live with Christians - my friends are Christians - but I'm not really good friends with the newer people I have met - and the three guys I know the most don't believe the same things about God and one of them just flat out doesn't care. I'm not saying that everyday has to be a theology forum - I'm just simply saying that my closest friends here view life completely different - or not at all in some cases it seems. I am of the opinion that Christ was a very earnest man, very thought oriented and concerned with things that I at times would consider to be "insignificant". I don't want to be a care-free Christian.

I believe apathy is a disease that is killing our generation - a laziness that is as easy as breathing. The one thing that I know is that - through my friends I believe God is speaking to me. I have always wondered what it is that God has made me for. I have come to believe that it is to help people tear away their apathy - and help them understand what authenticity is all about. But, I don't know how specifically or when or where persay.

I hate this idea of the Christian-American Dream. I can guarantee we (American's/Christians) have at some point bought into it. A life that has no calling other than - getting married to the person of "our" dreams - living in a not too big of a house, but a big house, maybe an expensive car - maybe not - enough money to take a trip every once in a while - kids and never having to actually pick up and go do something on faith. I know that I have thought about that - whether it's a conscious or subconscious thing - I guarantee that is the attitude of many of our parents and especially young people. Not to take away from people like my buddy Brian who went to China and others like him that aren't afraid to live by faith. But there are a lot of us out there that are starved of spiritual truth because we are too afraid to see what God will do with us and we don't even have the faith to believe that what he wants to do with us is for our good.