Difficult weeks mixed with mixed feelings

To say the least, I'm confused, bored, anxious, tired, frustrated and bored. Oh yeah and I'm bored. For those of you who "really" know me or have been with me when there aren't a lot of people around, you can tell right away if something is wrong. So here is the scenario...

I moved here (The Woodlands) about four weeks ago? or maybe five? I am living with Jason Miller's parents (who rock by the way), and playing drums at The United Methodist Church of The Woodlands which everyone around here refers to as "The Methidome". HaHa..(sarcastically)

Like I said before... those of you who "really" know me and know what I believe also will acknowledge that I am not a methodist. So right off the bat there is this barrier of theology which does in fact come out in the sermons - all you have to do is listen carefully and you hear it - a little tid bit there and an interjection here.

After a long practice on Saturday night I realized that I hadn't even thought about why we were rehersing or what our purpose was. It's as if I was preparing a meal for no one to eat. (that's a horrible analogy but you get the picture) I felt so empty and low.

There is such an atmoshpere of Christian celebrity today and I believe it is much more prevalent here then back home and I hate it. It makes me sick. The way I talk about the music with other musicians and what actually goes on when we rehearse or work on new songs makes me feel like I talk about worhsip music like it's a business. I really feel as if God is displeased with it all and I am stuck in the middle. I feel more responsible because I acknowledge that it exists yet it doesn't change within me.

Basically for any of you who are still reading this - I am asking for prayer. I want to know what I am made to do. Most all of you know I desire to play music but not if it will be like this. I want to play music but I just don't think I can play the worship music/ christian celebrity game anymore. Now, I am not trying to knock on Christian worship music or any other bands... I am specifically talking about my own personal experience.

Well I'm sure this has been pretty negative for most of you (all two or three that read this thing), but rest assured I know God is teaching me things and waiting for the right time to reveal his next step in the ultimate walk with him in my life.

Please pray for me and if you get the chance give me a call because I do absolutey nothing all day. I am hoping to change that with a job that starts a week from tomorrow. (Monday)